Klopp Says The Reds Will Get What They Deserve

Klopp Says The Reds Will Get What They Deserve

With exam season almost upon us, I was reminded of an old teacher of mine who, when presented with a sea of anxious faces, used to say, "pressure is for tyres, lads." Now, plainly, he wasn't the most insightful or sensitive of gents, and no doubt he felt as though he was imparting something of great profundity, but that is the kind of trite guff that actually means nothing and makes people feel worse. Learned critics have maligned me for "verbosity" but …
The Gerrard Obsession - Where Banter Goes To Die

The Gerrard Obsession - Where Banter Goes To Die

There has been a tragic lack of truly iconic figures to have graced the Premier League in recent times. That, at least, is the only logical conclusion one can come to in the face of the overwhelming obsession the fans of so many other clubs have with Liverpool's former captain, Steven Gerrard. From Stoke to Exeter, from Old Trafford to St. Mary's, the supporters of these clubs, quite often when not even playing against the Redmen, will sing their deeply …
Klopp And Klavan Trying To Find Sense In Defeat

Klopp And Klavan Trying To Find Sense In Defeat

I recently asked my daughter to clarify exactly what the kids mean when they say something is 'meta.' Now, you can stop your smug sniggering -  it's not like I had no idea. I may remember Kenny Dalglish gracing the number 7 for the Redmen, I may have had my first legal pint in 1991 and I may even speak like a relic of the olde worlde at times but I'm not entirely démodé. Yeah, I've probably ruined that already …
Unnecessary Drama In The Liverpool Country

Unnecessary Drama In The Liverpool Country

I'll be honest with you, lovely reader. The majority of my 7-day enforced sabbatical was spent being deliberately oblivious to the football world and almost exclusively devoted to the pursuit of solving the problem of a troublesome brainpan. The latter endeavour, sadly, was wholly unsuccessful, but at least I managed to entirely avoid the unending drama of the Liverpool Country (© Mamadou Sakho) for long enough to be genuinely enthused by my return to AI Towers today, even in the knowledge that …
Can Klopp Find The Right Folks To Win Trophies?

Can Klopp Find The Right Folks To Win Trophies?

Bitter experience brings us all, inevitably, to the same conclusion - for the most part, people are awful. Now, optimistic philanthropist that you are, lovely reader, you may be bristling at such apparent negativity, but that is only because you are one of the good ones. You simply cannot conceive of the ugliness that resides in the souls of so many. Or perhaps you have been blessed by the veritable lottery win that is a life of generally positive interactions …
Klopp vs Mourinho: Different Ways To Win

Klopp vs Mourinho: Different Ways To Win

Where do you stand on crest-pointing and badge-kissing? I only ask because of the mixture of amusement and irritation I felt watching Jose Mourinho leave the Old Trafford pitch yesterday. The professionally sullen gilet-fancier was pulling one of those teenage girl Instagram-selfie faces, whilst pointing, very exactly, with his right index finger, to the AON logo beneath the Manchester United badge. It was, at best, an unintentionally hilarious comment on the rampant commercialisation of the modern game and at worst …
Can The Liverpool Defence Be Perfect For Five Weeks?

Can The Liverpool Defence Be Perfect For Five Weeks?

Most of this week was spent waiting on some very significant news. It's a peculiar form of existence, waiting. Obviously, one has to press on with the mundanity of daily existence but always with an awareness that if that news is unfavourable, then the time doing those routine things would have been infinitely better spent running up a spectacular bar tab in Tijuana and going out in style. When it eventually came, the news was bad, but not book the …
Mignolet And Milner Staying Positive

Mignolet And Milner Staying Positive

I've been thinking about building a shelter. You know, a proper, dug out of the ground, own generator, multi-roomed, stocked-to-the-hilt-with-provisions-for-the-zombie-apocalypse type of shelter. Like that one in The Road that Viggo Mortensen and his kid have a few days of brief respite in, before reengaging with cannibalistic crazies and a decaying post-apocalyptic world. The notion's been knocking around in my head for a while but every time I watch the filtered and edited guff that passes for news on television, …
Carragher, Neville And The Cult Of The Pundit

Carragher, Neville And The Cult Of The Pundit

Regular visitors to these paragraphs will know that profound analytical breakdowns of systems and tactics are anathema to this columnist. It's not that I don't appreciate the folk who do that sort of thing, you understand. They provide us all with a valuable service, bless 'em. How many times have you drunkenly thrown out a stat or tactical observation that had been painstakingly compiled by one such hard-working analyst - their slaving over a hot laptop serving only to earn …
Wary Klopp Remains Defiant

Wary Klopp Remains Defiant

When writhing through the thick fug of a migraine, it can be hard to tell with absolute certainty what is real and what one might be imagining. On Friday, complications arising from some scheduled prodding and poking under the bonnet of your columnist's noggin, resulted in 3 days of pain-induced confusion and reality-bending altered perception. It was basically unintentional MK Ultra. There was an incident involving an orange that appeared to be vibrating on a bedside locker and several episodes …
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