Believe, Doubters - Klopp Is Driving LFC Onwards

Believe, Doubters - Klopp Is Driving LFC Onwards

At Anfield yesterday, after a creditable objective had been achieved by Liverpool, as cute children in replica kits tottered wide-eyed after their fathers, and as an intoxicating relief had flooded the famous old stadium, Lucas Leiva said some words into a microphone, whilst clutching a small memorial in the shape of the number 21 he has worn for a decade. The famously amiable Brazilian was struggling to master his emotions. His wife had long-since given up the fight, sobbing as …
Henderson Injury Uncertainty Typifies The Season

Henderson Injury Uncertainty Typifies The Season

Yesterday, I shared my own foolishness with you all in an altruistic attempt to spare the lovely readers and listeners of this column the needless torment I had inflicted on myself by engaging earnestly with the relentless tales of players in and players out at Anfield. It was a lamentable episode in your columnist's recent history and one I'd have been happy to keep quiet, but there's a greater good here, damn it. This is public-service broadcasting and the moral …
Top Four: Who Wants It Least?

Top Four: Who Wants It Least?

Initially, as I grimaced in recollection of the season's third-last serving of delicious Barclay's goodness, it was tempting to liken Liverpool's struggles to make any progress to the myth of Sisyphus - you know, the unfortunate chap punished by the gods of the Greeks for his offences against them. His sentence was to push a huge boulder to the top of a hill, only to see it roll back down every time and know he must start over. For eternity. …
Mignolet And Milner Staying Positive

Mignolet And Milner Staying Positive

I've been thinking about building a shelter. You know, a proper, dug out of the ground, own generator, multi-roomed, stocked-to-the-hilt-with-provisions-for-the-zombie-apocalypse type of shelter. Like that one in The Road that Viggo Mortensen and his kid have a few days of brief respite in, before reengaging with cannibalistic crazies and a decaying post-apocalyptic world. The notion's been knocking around in my head for a while but every time I watch the filtered and edited guff that passes for news on television, …
Take That - Wijnaldum Is The Anfield Jedi Master

Take That - Wijnaldum Is The Anfield Jedi Master

Today, this columnist awoke to the revelation that tax avoidance guru and all-around blandness salesman, Gary Barlow, is set to feature in the next Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi. That's Gary Barlow, out of Take That. In Star Wars. As an actor. After repeated failed attempts at gouging out my own eyes with a spoon, in response to this 'news,' and with my pathetic efforts at self-immolation lacking a certain spark, I steeled myself against the day. This, however, was a …
Tasty Tenerife Tales

Tasty Tenerife Tales

We had all hoped, friends, that the dark days were behind us, at least until the increasingly inevitable zombie apocalypse strikes our beleaguered spinning sphere. Alas, it would appear that troubled times have visited us again on Planet Liverpool. Three years after parting company with the beloved but problematic flesh nibbler that was Luis Suárez, it emerges that the chilling spectre of cannibalism may be looming once more, this time in the overtly affable form of another smiling mentalist - …
No Communication Breakdown At Anfield

No Communication Breakdown At Anfield

Late to the party, as ever, it was only last night that this columnist had the joy of seeing Denis Villeneuve's Arrival. Obviously, the beauty of the cinematography and profundity of the film's themes were the things that continued to resonate on this morning's drive to work, but yesterday, as I watched Amy Adams' linguist try to decipher the complex language and symbology of the visiting heptapods, I was struck by how disappointing it is to see former interpreter, Jose Mourinho, still …
Mané Happy Returns - Sadio Finally Playing For Klopp

Mané Happy Returns - Sadio Finally Playing For Klopp

Did you know that Phil Coutinho has a new tattoo of Mickey Mouse on his abs? Or were you aware that Le Bron James, nominal celebrity Red, is very disgruntled at going bald and has almost EIGHT times my country's population following him on Twitter? How about the fact that Ben Woodburn has been called up to the Wales senior squad at 17 years of age?  Maybe you've seen, amidst the talk of a celebratory crest to mark the club's 125th birthday, …
Liverpool's Under-Fire Full-Backs Must Deliver Against Man City's Flying Wingers

Liverpool's Under-Fire Full-Backs Must Deliver Against Man City's Flying Wingers

Few players are less fashionable in the modern game than Nathaniel Clyne and James Milner. In an era when Football Manager, FIFA and statistics-based websites such as Squawka and WhoScored allow any football fans to proclaim themselves experts on any player across Europe, who really cares about two functional English full-backs? The snobbery against British players can become a little tiresome at times - just imagine how much more praise Adam Lallana would receive if he was Spanish - but …
More Birthday Blues For The Reds?

More Birthday Blues For The Reds?

Birthdays can be a real source of emotional volatility as one gets older. On the face of it, it's a great blessing to have lasted another year in a world moving at such a distressing pace, in a direction which no longer seems certain, but on the other hand, one is afflicted with terrible and crushing angst about just where one fits in, nowadays. Why is everyone dabbing, for example? What even IS dabbing? Is anyone else cold? Having reached …
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